You’re seeing or hanging out with that cute someone who makes your heart skip a beat. You get butterflies in your stomach when they walk into the room, and you can’t stop thinking about them. Is this just the start of a little crush, or are you feeling something even more intense? What’s really the difference between a crush and being limerent? Let me tell you, the differences between the two are huge and super easy to tell apart.
Key Differences
Limerence and crushes can feel quite similar, but there are some key differences to be aware of.
Intensity
Limerence is no joke. It really does feel like an addiction – you just can’t stop thinking about this person! No matter what you’re doing, your mind always drifts back to them. You start seeing little reminders of them everywhere, like their favorite coffee in the grocery store or a song that makes you think of them. You’re constantly checking their profiles to see if they posted anything new.
Sometimes, it’s hard to focus on anything else because this person has taken over your brain. Getting a good night’s sleep when they’re the last thing on your mind before bed and the first thing when you wake up is nearly impossible. You’re just so wrapped up in them 24/7.
A crush is totally different. Sure, you might think they’re cute and fun to daydream about, but it’s not this all-consuming thing. You can still live your normal life and focus on other stuff. And if it doesn’t work out, it’s no big deal – you’re open to moving on to someone else. But when you’re limerent, you are ALL IN on this one person. No one else even registers on your radar.
Reciprocation
With limerence, whether the other person feels the same way about you really matters. If your limerence isn’t returned, that can be tough to deal with. It’s easy to start feeling desperate, like a part of you is missing. You might even find yourself feeling down or depressed over it.
But with a regular old crush, it’s nice if they like you back, but it’s not the end of the world if they don’t. You can still think the person is awesome from a distance without it being so hard on your heart. Even if they don’t see you that way, you don’t have to let it bring you down or stop you from moving on to someone else.
Idealization
When you’re in that limerent state, it’s like you’ve put blinders on. The person you’re obsessed with can do no wrong in your eyes. They’re practically perfect in every way. You don’t see their real self at all – only the idealized version you’ve created in your head.
They’re just a normal person with strengths and weaknesses like anyone else. But to you, they’re some kind of flawless king or queen. The most amazing person in the whole Universe. They become your whole world and the center of the universe.
A crush is different. Sure, you think the person is attractive and enjoy their company. But you also understand that they’re human. You know they have good and bad traits, just like everyone. You can see them for who they truly are – a real person with layers, not a fantasy.
Read also: Signs of limerence ending
Duration
Limerence usually lasts a pretty long time compared to a regular old crush. Most people who experience limerence say it goes on for between 6 to 18 months, though in some more extreme cases it can even persist for 3 to 5 years. That’s a long time to be head over heels for someone!
Crushes, on the other hand, are usually much shorter-lived. Most people report only feeling that initial intense infatuation for a crush for a few weeks up to a couple of months at most. Our crushes tend to burn hot but burn out quickly.
Over the months, limerence will start to fade as you get to know the object of your affection better, and that initial spark wears off a bit. Meanwhile, the crush just sort of runs its natural course. Either your interests and attractions shift to someone new, or maybe some fresh romantic opportunities come your way and help you move on from that fleeting feeling.
Both Feelings Are Valid
Whether it’s a crush or limerence, your feelings are real and valid. Don’t stress too much trying to figure out which one it is. What matters more is how you handle those emotions. If being with that person gets your heart racing, enjoy it! But if the feelings start getting obsessive or unhealthy, don’t be afraid to ask for help!
